Monologue #1: Husband tells wife he's into Twilight.

"....so, I have something I need to talk to you about. Could you sit? Yeah- right there... so... How do I... Well, I know I haven't been myself lately. You're right I've been distant, I haven't payed you enough attention- it's just... uhh.. how do I say this? I'm into... uhh... Twilight. I like sexy vampires- there I said it. Those Ebony Pleasure magazines you thought were so upsetting, they were just there to cover up my glossy 8X10's of Robert Pattinson. Now I know what you're thinking, I'm not a homosexual I swear it's just the wear his hair looks and his eyes... it just makes me... happy. You know what I mean, the way you feel when you play with our kids, I feel that way when I'm watching twilight. All those times I said I was going out for drinks with the boys after work... I was in the parking lot watching Twilight on my portable DVD player. I HAVE NO FRIENDS... (sobbing)... TWILIGHT IS MY ONLY FRIEND. I know this must be shocking but I think we can work through this. I know you hate Twilight, but we can figure this out. We can watch it together, get over it together, I can watch less and less each time, I just need help doing this. I know it won't be easy. I'm sorry. I love you, but I also love Twilight. Baby please..."